Jessica (randomjessica) wrote,
Jessica
randomjessica

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Isolation

I obviously think about other people more than they think about me, which i guess is good in a way.
Last week went reasonably well.
I started off being myself, which is something.
Today was registration. My mom went. IT sucked. I don't know if I would have been more social if she weren't there or not, but I would have been isolated alone instead of with her.
For the most part we are actually really close and stuff like that, which I do enjoy despite hating her so damn much.
So, i didn't really talk to anyone or anything today. I still have all my damn books b/c Apraha and I never got in touch and she jsut bought other ones.
My advisory is exactly the same and I am still very pissed. I hate that place so much. I think my mom is finally starting to realize what it is like for me there. Part of me wishes i could talk to her about every aspect of my life, but then I realize that I don't even like her as a person. Although, it is kinda good to have SOMEONE to talk to.
So....damn my advisors. I hope once school starts I will find friends and it will all just settle in and pick up where last year left off. The end of last year was actually pretty good, so will we just see. I am going to jsut be adament about being me and make them except me or deal, like everyone else does. Hopefully it will kinda work.
I know i will never fit in so, it isn't like that big of a deal or anything. I will either have friends, or just worry more about my school work. Besides, i will get my liscinse in not that long and I can do shit by myself and stuff......it's all good.
Tomorrow is lake day, so I am gonna go adn see if there are some cool people to hang with. I am kinda scared. I know, I am chicken shit.
I played tennis tonight with Adam and Mom, which was kinda fun. I still hate the game and how it makes me one are so fucking much stronger and screws my other one over. My feet have blisters, so i can't wear sandals.
I have to be around negative people. Life sucks sometimes, but I have it good considering.
I am actually happy, b/c I do love life and me and jsut.....everything. School and home tend to make me hate it though, so I feel trapped.
I need to stop doing this "i feel" shit so damn much. And I need to quit cussing so fucking much.
Ok...this was going to be a quick, private post. NOw i am not sure....hmmmmmm
wow, i feel way to sorry for myself when I am like the luckiest person alive as it is. Just ignore this very depressing post and I will go back to being cheerful tomorrow. NO wonder people don't believe I'm a posibtive person. I am actually happy and when I looked back over this I am feeling way to sorry for myself, and now all I am doing is rambling and making this post longer. Ok. Here. LIfe is good, with very few bad aspects which i will jsut over look and move on with my life. I hope everyone else is glad to be back in school and I know it is going to be a great year.
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